Dean, Am I Drunk?
by keekers15
Summary: Just a funny little oneshot I thought I'd post, Sammy gets drunk and there is mentions of platypuses and the roaming gnome... No slash. Characters belong to the almighty Krypke, I only wish I owned those sexy boys.


The day had started out as any other when they were in between jobs. Dean slept in, Sam had his usual early start and by the time he woke up there was coffee and donuts waiting for him beside a copy of 'National Times' with which they used in hopes of finding a job. Dean had lazed around the dingy motel room after failing to find anything that would classify as there sort of thing in the paper, while Sam tapped away at his laptop. Eventually getting restless he'd grabbed his keys and gone for a drive in his baby. Upon returning, he'd found the room empty of inhabitance. Frowning slightly, he decided to not think much of it and convinced himself that Sam had gone out to pick them up some dinner but found it slightly odd that he hadn't just called Dean up to tell him to do so while he was out.

That had been nearly two hours ago and he was driving himself mad pacing the mundane room that he felt was getting continually smaller.

Where was Sam? It didn't take more then twenty maybe thirty minutes to go pick up a pizza or grab some Chinese even if you _were_ traveling on foot. His brother wasn't exactly one to take off without as much as a note. Well neither of them were really, it was impractical considering the line of work they were in and the constant threat of the half a dozen things that they'd thoroughly pissed off in the past that had miraculously lived to tell the tail, and considering the amount of things they'd hunted the survival count being merely half a dozen was quite impressive, but that wasn't exactly what Dean had all his thoughts focused on at the moment.

It was nearing 11 pm when Dean finally gave into his brotherly instincts that were yelling at him to call his brother and to know exactly where his Sammy was. The only thing that had prevented him from doing just that thus far was the fact that he new that Sam needed space considering Jess had only died a few short months ago.

In a few short steps he was standing at the desk with which he'd tossed with keys and phone when he'd walked in and quickly speed dialed his brother. It rang five times before he heard Sam's hazy voice.

''Lo?'

Dean let out the breath he hadn't known he'd been holding.

'Sammy, where the hell are you man?' He said trying not to let the relief into his voice.

'DEAN!'

He held the phone a little ways away from his ear, fearing for his hearing. _Well THAT was a little bit over enthusiastic. _He thought blinking slightly.

'Uh... yeah, Sammy. You okay?'

'Oh yeah, Dean, I'm _awesome_.' Said his slightly-slurring brother.

Yeah, okay. There was definitely something wrong with Sammy. Best thing to do now would be to go get him and see for himself rather then try and get him to describe whatever was… up.

''Kay, Sammy, just tell me where you are.'

'Hhhhhmmm' a pause 'I dunno, man.' And then started giggling.

_What the HELL, Winchesters don't GIGGLE, _Dean thought, feeling slightly out of the loop. _What the fuck was going on with Sam?_

'I think I see a pack of platypuseses.' silence 'Do platypuseseses travel in packs Dean?' murmured in what sounded like an extremely curious tone of voice.

'………Just read me a sign Sammy.'

A sigh.

'Fine, but I'm not letting you get off without telling me _everything _you know about the blatypluse' Said Sam, sounding extremely exasperated.

'Alright Sammy, I'll tell you all u want to know about platypuses if u just help me find you right now.' Dean said slowly, making him sound like he was talking to a five year old rather then his twenty-two year old not-so-little brother.

After a rather long pause, in which Dean assumed Sam was looking for a sign to read to him: 'breah… tho-thon… Breathonrich… avenue. Hey, Dean-' Dean promptly hung up on his little brother, not wanting to hear anymore about platypuses or any other type of swamp creature from his obviously DRUNKEN little brother.

Dean stuffed his phone in his jeans, grabbed the keys to the impala and was out the door in less then five seconds.

Dean had never actually _seen_ a drunk Sam before, considering he'd left before he was legal drinking age and he'd been keeping his brother well away from alcohol the last few months since Jessica's death, for obvious reasons, but to tell you the truth, he believed that he just may enjoy this side of Sam… well he'd at least enjoy just how much blackmail he'd have by the end of the night and considering the conversation he'd just had with Sam, in which the main topic of conversation had been _platypuses_ of all things, he was sure he'd have a whole new _category_ of subjects to taunt his brother about by morning.

Having been stuck in this town for almost a week with absolutely nothing to occupy himself with he was well aware of where Breathonrich avenue was and was peaking down side roads in hopes of seeing the shaggy brown head of his baby brother.

Sure enough, the fourth road he squinted down, he saw the tall gangly form of Sammy stumbling down the sidewalk with a half empty bottle of something dangling from his left hand which was swinging wildly as he babbled to absolutely no one. Well anyone else would have thought he was talking on the phone, but only he new that the other end had hung up nearly five minutes ago.

Pulling up along the sidewalk next to Sam, he heard him saying: 'God Dean, you can be such a good listener when you want to be, you know that? I really underestimated your listenening skills-'

'Hey retard!' He really couldn't help but chuckle when Sam actually turned to look at him.

'Hey… it's you!' He said into the phone, eyes wide and grinning.

'Get in you idiot.' Dean said, rolling his own eyes.

When Sam didn't move Dean heaved an exasperated sigh and pulled himself out of the car and walked towards Sam. Upon reaching him, he lifted the phone out his hand and stuck it in his own jeans pocket, then reached around his brother shoulder and steered him towards the passenger's side door.

'Hey, Dean.' Exclaimed his wasted little brother.

Dean simply gave him an annoyed glance as he stumbled under Sam's suddenly dead weight and Sam continued to grin.

'Hey... hey, big brother? Have you ever played this game, really fun, called-' Sam paused for a hiccup. 'Called kings?' Dean heaved a mental sigh, Sam paused obviously waiting for an answer and when he didn't get one he simply said: 'I like that game…'

Dean had finally managed to get himself and his saskwatch of a little brother to the other side of the impala struggling with opening the door and dropped Sam into the seat just as he was about to say something else causing a small 'oof.', To escape his lips. Dean jogged around to the driver's side again and pulled away back onto the road as Sam started babbling again.

"Two for you, three for me, four for whores, five for jive, six for…something… seven for heaven, eight for…something else… and…and Kings!" Sam said in a sing song voice.

Dean raised his eyebrows, 'Pardon?'

'They're the ruuuules' And continued when Dean only shook his head, trying to keep the smirk off his face and rolled his eyes, _yeah, a drunk Sammy was definitely funny,_ 'Kings! That's the name of the game! I rem…rememem…know it now!' a pause. 'Hey, brother?'

'What is it Sammy?'

'Do… do you want me to help you hunt that… that thing?'

Dean glanced at his brother, brow furrowed, 'What thing?'

'You know, that teddy bear.' Sam said, as though it were the most obvious thing in the world as he slumped in his seat.

Dean _really_ had to work hard to keep from laughing that time, 'What teddy bear, Sammy? I mean there ARE an awful lot of them that need slaying out there you know.'

Amusement laced every syllable.

'No, no the _Fabric-Softening _Teddy Bear.'

Dean instantly turned serious (that Fabric-Softening Teddy Bear was a _menace_!) but glancing at his brother he said 'I don't think you're in any condition to be hunting tonight Sammy.'

'Oh… okay Dean, but you do know,' Said Sam pointing his finger a Dean and tried to focus his eyes on him, looking serious, 'I'm here for ya if ya need me.'

'Thanks Sammy, I'll keep that in mind.' Dean said pointing back and trying to look equally serious, which was proving to be difficult considering he was nearly dieing with laughter on the inside as Sam was nodding at him slowly and lowering his arm.

That's when a thought suddenly struck Sam 'Dean, am I _drunk_?'

'No Sam, you're completely sober.'

'Oh.' Sam paused, looking at Dean the entire time. 'I think you're wrong.'

'No shit Sherlock,' muttered under his breath, 'I was kidding. Yeah, I think you're a little sauced.

Sam's eyebrows shot up, 'But Dean, I've never been drunk before!' Sam said worriedly.

Dean's own eyebrows rose and he glanced other at Sam 'You're kidding me.' At Sam's wide eyed look he sighed and rolled his eyes. He really shouldn't be that surprised, this was _Sam_ we were talking about. 'Nothing to worry about Sammy.' Even if this was extremely amusing Sam was still Dean's little brother and he didn't want to scare him… much.

That seemed to calm Sam somewhat, but then his eyes widened again as they drove into the motel parking lot. '_Dean_, you've been drunk before!'

Dean gave him an exasperated glance that plainly said 'Duh' as he parked the car and jumped out.

Walking around the car, he opened Sam's door.

Having the last occupant of the car nearly fall head first to the pavement, he grabbed Sam under the arms and they stumbled in an awkward sort of dance towards their hotel room. Dean sincerely hoped no one was peaking out their windows for they would most certainly get the wrong impression on what they were doing.

When Dean finally fell through the door he dropped Sam on the closest bed before seating himself in the nearest chair, panting. Sam stretched before sitting up again and looking at him, with what could only be described as his infamous puppy dog eyes.

'Dean, will you teach me to be drunk?' Sam said with a look on his face that held all the hope in the world.

Dean worked to hold in a groan. 'I think you've got it covered man.'

'No, no you don't get it Dean. This is the FIRST TIME I've EVER been DRUNK.' Sammy exclaimed, looking desperate.

Sighing Dean said, 'Sam trust me, you're a natural.'

Sam paused to process his words before saying a tentative, 'Really?'

'Really.' Dean confirmed tiredly.

Sam grinned, 'Cool'

Dean sighed. 'Alright kiddo, bedtime.'

'I don't have a bedtime, I'm the roaming gnome.' Sam popped out.

Dean stared at him… for several seconds, 'What?'

'Where'd the alcohol go?' asked Sam, standing up and doing a 360 which didn't stop at 360.

'Whoa. okay. bed. Now.' Dean said, while quickly jumping up and saving his brother from his collision with the floor.

'Why don't _you_ go to bed?' Sam asked accusingly.

'Because I'm to old to go to bed.' Dean answered.

'Oh. Well… I'll only go if you go.'

Dean sighed dramatically, but threw the blankets on Sam's bed back for him before dropping down into his own bed.

'Okay. I'm here.'

Sam glared at him but curled himself under his own blankets without further complaint.

They sat in their beds looking across at each other.

'You said this was your first time being drunk?'

Sam nodded excitedly, 'It's really cool.'

'Man, I'm really gonna regret letting this happen aren't I?' Dean murmured

Sam stopped nodding and started shaking his head quickly, looking scared. 'I thought you said I was a good drunk?! What? I don't understand!' Sam almost-yelled, worriedly.

'You are, Sammy.' Dean said, keeping his voice level

A pause.

'I am?'

'You are'

'Really?'

'Really.'

'But I thought you said-'

'I didn't say anything Sam.'

A pause.

'Really?'

'Really.'

'Oh.'

A pause.

'I'm thirsty.'

'No you're not.'

A pause.

Sam's thinking hard.

'Yes I am.'

'No, you're not.'

'Am too.'

'Are not.'

'Are too.' Said Sam, trying to match his brother.

'Am not.' Said Dean, trying to confuse his brother.

'Are not.'

'See?'

Sam paused. _Wait a second…_

Dean reached over and clicked the light off.

''Night Sammy'

''Night Dean' Sam replied automatically.

Dean smiled in the dark when he heard light snores moments later, _jeez, the things big brothers have to put up with._


End file.
